So, I’ve had people tell me that I’m just experimenting with my gf. It’s like no one thinks that I can actually be into a girl unless it’s an experiment. Sometimes it pisses me off because it’s just like “Who the fuck are you to tell me how I feel about the same sex” Yeah I told everyone that I would never date a girl but I found girls attractive for forever. I KNOW. But see then I sit back and think, why should I give a fuck. I know how I feel about her. She’s so amazing. 

If she was just an experiment I wouldn’t want to be with her. 

If she was just an experiment I wouldn’t tell her I love her.

If she was just an experiment I wouldn’t put up with the dirty stares, the annoying talking behind my back I hear about daily, and my mom constantly tell me about how much she doesn’t except it.

If she was just some fucking experiment I wouldn’t feel a warm feeling inside just from talking to her or her hold me.

How much more can I say. I don’t understand why I can’t be with a girl and it’s not like some huge watch the clock kind of game for them. It just kind of annoys me that everyone keeps telling me that and when I say no they just tell me “Well you never know.” or “Well yeah you think that now and than”

my girlfriend means the fucking world to me. NO relgion, NO evil stare, NO stupid law will ever keep me from loving that girl with all my heart. No matter what is in her pants she will always have my heart and the key that goes with it.

- shallow desires 

Lately it’s been weird. me & my gf. I love her so much. She was talking about how much she missed me but we couldn’t go see each other because our families wanted us to stay home. She kept telling me how much she missed me and I missed her too, but I didn’t understand because we saw each other that day. Not really alot because we were selling fireworks, but we saw each other. So I’m thinking well we see each other almost everyday so how could you miss me to the point were you miss me that much. I didn’t understand her feeling until today.

I wanted her to come over but she said she wanted to spend time with her mom. Now I know it sounds horrible, but this feeling came over me of like idk anger and sadness. I wanted her to come over and she couldn’t. But it wasn’t like I was angry with her, I was just angry that we couldn’t spend time together. So we’re talking and I move on cause I’m supposed to go out with my aunt anyways. Well plans changed and I just was at home texting while she was out being with her mom.

So she texts me “Suprise Visit Later?” Now i’m all excited because I’m like yes she’s gonna come over and then she’s gonna come spend some time with me. Well later the convo she texts me “I don’t think I can come over because my college friedns wants to spend sometime with me” Boy oh boy that killed me. & instantly I knew just how she felt yesterday. The feeling of missing someone so much that you feel this weird sensation in your heart that kills you.

i wanted to scream. I wanted to ask her why she would spend time with her friend instead of me. Again it’s not because I don’t want her to hang out with friends cause I wanna hang out with friends too but it was like I’d been left behind.

Now i’m sitting here in my room missing her & she won’t even text me back. I hate this feeling. I want to go away. This feeling just reassures me that I really do love her because if didn’t love her and I didn’t care I wouldn’t feel this way right now.

- shallow desires

Sometimes being someones kid is so hard. My mom sits around and tries to act like I am just soooo selfish like everytime I tell her I can’t do something for her she freaks out and goes into this huge thing about how “I only asked you to do one thing” or “You can’t just do this for me”

Yesterday while i’m supposed to be reading this book that I have a test on on monday she goes “aaliyah you wanna go to church” Now whatever, I like going to church but I had to read so I told her no and she was all like “awww come on you can’t just go do this. You can’t just go with me” Mom I have to read. Go by yourself I know you want to go. “No I don’t want to go by myself I always go by myself” Like wtf am I supposed to say to that. “Well suck it up bitch, just go alone and stop being a baby” No I mean like t’s so hard to like tell her no. So I was like fine mom I’ll go and she was like yayyyyy! and so she tells me she was gonna say to me “When jesus when to go die for you he didn’t say no i have to go read shakespeare” I just laughed it off but on the inside it pissed me off soooo much -__- I wanted to yell at her and just tell her how unfair that is and that I would never use that on her.

So we went and so after I wanted to go pick up my gf so that she could spend the night and we could spend some time together and so we did and she spent the night. My mom wanted me to ddo her hwk and I’m like mom I can’t I gotta do m hwk. And she says exactly what I expected “You’ve been around here all day making waffles and entertaing guest and all I asked you to do was one thing. This is due today and you know that” Now I don’t know how to do this work but im “better” at figuring out this crap blah blah blah.

Man I just don’t understand parents sometimes. They act like you don’t have a life sometimes. Like you always can do what they want when they want it. Hoestly I don’t feel bad, I’m just superrrrrrr annoyed -___-

- shallow desires 

Somehow, in this country everyday people try and take away things from others. Whether it”s an opinion, just as simple s how they dress.Today I saw this post from this guy who said he hates when he sees ugly girls “trying to dress like pretty girls” because it just doesn’t look right. 

#1: I never knew there was such a thing as a certain way a pretty girl should dress and an ugly should dress.

#2: Have you ever heard of personality? I’m pretty sure if ugly girls dressed the way they felt on the inside, they wouldn’t even stand a chance in your already judgemental  view. 

#3: I’m so sick and tired of hearing that bullshit about “looks are what catch the eye, personality is what makes them stay.” Be honest. If there were two girls, two boys, or whatever you prefer and one was really hot and the other was okay looking you would obviously go for the hotter. So then you get to know the hotter person and oh wait they’re a douche but you’ll stay because of the looks. Looks are what catch the eye, personality is an option.”

I just find it so funny because then when you tell the guy that you should judge on personality he’s uses that quote. “personality is what makes you stay” Guys will stay with a bitchy girl just because she’s hot. Girls too. Which brings me to my next point. The whole issue with women wanting to be equal in the work place. Fair argument. Women don’t want to be looked at as a frail women who can’t do anything, another good point, but men always turn this shit around into “Well then you guys better start doing this and doing that” Look there are stereotypical things that men and women do. 

WOMEN

• Cook
• Clean
• Wash Clothes

  MEN

• Lift Heavy Shit
• Work

So when women start speaking equal right, men always want to throw that shit around about “Well then you better start being the one around here to lift shit and go to work” Okay and you’ll be washing cooking and cleaning am I correct? All women are asking for is the same amount of money as mean want and want to be looked at as someone who can’t do anything. There are things that men are better at lifting shit, playing basketball, and other sports but don’t go around talking about how women can’t do the same amount of work if not better than a man. Yes women want equality, but we want it for something that clearly shouldn’t even be an issue. Sorry to sound like a feminist but sometimes this society makes no sense to me.

- shallow desires

So I am a Bisexual female. I’ve had a gf for about 3 weeks now. It’s different talking to my mom about relationships now because she tries to act like it’s so confusing. Plus the whole “half the world isn’t okay with gay people” thing is really annoying. Then my mom always asks me questions like I’m confused or like this is just an experiment. It’s so hard because today me and mom had this convo and I realized how curious my mom is. Basically she asked “When I asked about different guys one you said ‘I can’t date him he’s shorter than me’ another one you said ‘no I can’t he’s another race’ and she’s a girl that’s three things that are different. How is it different with a girl than a boy?” all i could say was “It’s just different” Because it is. Idk how to explain it. She broke all the normal standards that I would have for my mate. It’s just gonna take me a while to get used to all the asshole people in this world. Hmmmmmm….. Life sucks at times.

- shallow desires

Ehhhh life is complicated. It throws you curve balls. It slaps you in the face. Makes youe feel like shit. It sucks sometimes, but you know what makes it worse… Being selfish. Seems like these days, people does things just for themselves. When I say people I don’t neccessarily mean you, I mean the group we call people. That group of people you know who follow and never seem to lead. They try so hard to do things for themselves. They’ve been through some hard times so they put their guard up. They aren’t good friends because all they can think about is what they want and then you can talk about whatever you have to say but not to them. If you hurt them, they forget you and never try and forgive. If you beg them, they’ll look you in the ask and ask “why are you on the ground?” Selfish people don;t get that people make mistakes & that there are other peopl out there just like them. But that’s life right?

a side note: I know i haven’t been posting that much but i really honestly am going to try to blog more often. Life’s been busy and difficult.

- shallowdesires.

I just love how the most cocky people always have some shit to say. I get it people think your attractive. People are all over you all the time. That shit can get to your head real easy and then your left with this attitude & one day it’s gonna bite you in the ass when it comes to someone who might be right for you. So please for those of us who don’t feed into your looks please do us all a favor and STFU because you damn sure don’t have the personality to back it up.

 - shallow desires ♥.

The Teachers - There are the good teachers & then there are the BAD. You know the one that doesn’t know how to teach & somehow is teaching the hardest subject. Or the boring teacher that stands by the board the whole class period and doesn’t give you enough time to write down any notes. Then after they suck at teaching they say the one thing that makes you wanna punch them “So there will be a test tomorrow.” Wait what?! Your gonna give me shitty notes and some bad teaching to go with it and then tell me that something that is 60 - 70% of my grade is being slapped in front of me. not to mention that it’s a death sentence to anyone with parents. You went to school for a moster’s degree & your so proud your the only one who can teach it. Bullshit. You should be fired and keep your master’s degree where it matter. In your fucking chest. Lock it in your heart and throw away the key. FOREVER.

The People - From the assholes who walk to slow in the hallways, to that one kid who won’t stfu. Now I know i’ve already mentioned the type of people, but for some reason I have some many things to say about people at school. It’s bullshit about how much people to understand how to act with class. Does anybody know anything about that anymore. Here’s the thing; The hallways are already crowded up enough. All the lazy fucks who come to school for nothing but to see their friends a word of advice for you. Stop breathing up all the air in the school, eating all the food in the cafeteria, wasting all the fucking sheets of paper, & get a fucking JOB. That way you can get paid to not do shit and leave me more room to get to fucking class everyday.

“Super” Substitutes - You know that one substitute that tries way too hard to act like your teacher while she was away. The ones that have a major attitude and try and tell you you can’t do shit that you do EVERYDAY. After rudely telling me to take out my headphones this dumb fuck had the audacity to tell me “This isn’t your classroom.” Bitch, it’s more my classroom than yours. Why? Because I come here every fucking day at the same time to learn shit. You? You’re here to replace my teacher that is out for one day. Obviously if this was meant to be your classroom you’d have a job here now wouldn’t you. Until the day you can sit down and answer any question I have about the work that day don’t say shit to me about wtf I should be doing.

Welll that’s some problem that everyday kids face in high school. Anyone else have these same issues or different ones? Let me know ♥.

- shallow desires ♥.

So I’m just sitting thinking about people in general. There are different types to me.

Type 1: The Cocky Asshole; That person who had one too many people tell them they were attractive or talented. They let all of that get to their head therefore they start acting like they’re better than what the really are. Confidence is one thing, but with that confidence you need to be humble.

Type 2: The Laidback; The kid that you can chill with all day and have a good time with no worries, but sometimes they can be a little too carefree and never are really serious. If living was an easy task we’d all still be cavemen doing nothing.

Type 3: Then “Popular”; Not neccesarily in the normal term used. That one kid who hangs out with alot of people and in diverse in the kind of people he/she hangs out with. The seem to always be the life of the party and there is hardly ever a dull moment. While having friends is great, too many could cause way too many problems. This world is full of jealous people & you my friend can sometimes be an easy target.

Type 4: The Super Nice; That one girl that you can always count on to never talk about you behind your back. They won’t talk about others. Everyone loves them and if you mess with them people will most likey defend them. Best people on earth ♥.

Type 5: The Bitch; That one girl that everyone hates. She’s only nice to the group that she hangs out with and even some of the people that are the closest to them get treated like shit. They will use you abuse you, and if it’s not about them it doesn’t matter. The next time you wanna go around using people & treating them like shit, think about what it would feel like #1: for them to do that to you & #2: for you to lose all your friends and suffer in your own pit of bitchy sorrow.

Type 6: The Attention Whore; That one kid that seems to always try to hard. They know about everything, try and be with the in crowd at all times, & always think they are amazing just because they are doing what everyone is doing. The most annoying person you will ever meet. No one likes a poser. It’s obvious that you have no idea what your talking about & all the forced situations you cause just make it worse. You’ll make friends naturally just by being who you are.

Type 7: The Emotional; That one girl who never seems to have grip on anything. She is always super stressed out or mad about some stupid shit. Whenever you try and figure out what’s wrong you get the lame ass excuse “Nothing, I’m fine.” just because they know you’ll keep asking. They always find a way to bring the mood down. I understand that everyone has issues in their life, but it’s really not neccessary to talk about them all the time. It’s kinda selfish that you always talk about your problem cause just like you have issues the people you talk to have them as well. Therapist are perfect for listening & they will help you work out some of your issues.

Type 8: The Naïve; The one kid that doesn’t know to much about sex, drugs, or even life for that matter. Their parents shelter them & it seems like the only place they here about the “wild things” in life are at school. To the parents who shelter your kids, talk to them. If the knowledge they get about these things are from friends life is going to be harder and alot more dangerous. Half the kids in this world don’t know anything about that stuff. To the kids who are sheltered, ask your parents questions. Friends will feed you shit info.

Type 9: The Leader; The person that always has control over the group of friends, always has to be in the front. They feel like everyone is under them and that they care superior to their peers because they know far more than anyone. While you’re so busy trying to be in the front, your missing all the fun in the back.

Type 10: The Talented; The ones who are good at what they do. Whether it’s music, sports, or acidemics they are top dog. Practicing for hours and always busy with perfecting their craft. It is their life. While you may be talented there needs to be a little time put in there for fun. You could break your leg tomorrow. You instrument could break. Friends will always be there *well the true ones anyways* Take a break sometimes. It will benefit you.

Well that’s not all the people, but that’s all I could really think about at this moment. Which one are you?

- shallow desires ♥.

It gets on my nerves so much when people act like attention whores. Everyone like attention, hell I love attention buut I DO NOT whore around for it. You get attention the most either when you don’t want it or when you don’t expect it. Lately I have run into alot of people like that. There is a girl who I used to be enimies with. I still don’t like, but since she decided to open her stupid ass mouth and start talking to me she thinks we’re best friend. We’re not. Like she came to my house yesterday & I wanted to fucking hurt her like she always has to be the senter of attention. Then whenever you’re talking she fucking cuts you off all the time even thought you let her hae her time. She is so lucky I’m not one of those ghetto ass girls who will kick your ass for fucking talking over her. Sometimes i just wish I could find the attention whores and just give them some knowledge. grow the fuck up and be an adult.

- shallow desires ♥.

I can’t believe what has happened. I told this guy I liked him. I like his personality, it is truely amazing but there is just oneee problem. he is ugly. I know beauty is defined from the inside but sometimes I just can’t. This was one of those situations. I just lied to him & told him I was gay because, I can’t date him. if dating was all about talking I would be fine, but then comes where physical attraction is important. I would have to kiss him & even thinking about that makes me want to throw up -__- I hate that that’s how it is, but I just can’t like do this. If he was even the least bit more attractive I would consider but I just can’t. I hate myself for this & sadly the Karma is that someone will do that to me someday. I hope not, but I hope that God understands that there is someone to love him better & there is someone out there for me that I can love. I don’t like leading people on so I refuse to break his amazing heart.

- shallow desires ♥.

So I am actually going to start blogging since that whole camera contest is over. There will be a variety of things that I will post. So lets get started with the whole blogging thing with a little bit about myself…

Name: Aaliyah Colen - Marshall

DOB: 8/27/94, 10:34 a.m.

Grade: 12th. Class of 2012 ♥.

Age: 17 as of last saturday.

Hobbies: Creating stuff usuing the arts. *Fine arts to be exact.

I’m in band and choir. I like to talk to people, & I loves to have fun. Idk what else to say right now so stay tuned for more info :D Followw.

P.S. When on this blog reading go check out my other blog hihisunshinee.tumblr.com for good pictures & a playlist to listen to while you read :D